This post was actually written on March 18, 2013, but I didn't ever get around to posting it...
Today I feel like writing. I have wanted to feel like writing for a long time, as so much has happened since my last post, over eight months ago, but the urge never struck and the words weren't there. Today I think I have words.
About this time last year Damon and I started really discussing the possibility of growing our family and having a baby. This has been a dream of mine since I was a kid. I have always loved children and wanted more than anything to have my own opportunity to experience pregnancy and become a mother. We discussed it for a while and decided on a time we felt would be best to start trying. On Saturday, August 25, our 18 month anniversary, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I knew in my heart that I was, there had been too many signs for me to ignore, but I kept telling my brain to calm down and not get my hopes up. I will not ever forget that morning. After a few minutes I went and fetched the test out of the bathroom and sat back down on our bed. Upon taking it back out of the package and seeing only one pink line, I announced "aaaand, it's negative...... Wait. WAIT!!! NO IT ISN'T!!!!" There it was. My second pink line. So so faint, but definitely there. I was just under 4 weeks pregnant. Damon didn't believe me at this point, but you better believe that I'd read all that packaging before hand and knew very well that it didn't matter how faint, a second pink line meant a baby. I remember just sitting there stunned knowing that our lives were changed forever. There was no going back!
Basically from the moment I found out for certain that I was pregnant, I was sick. It actually even started the evening before. Just with achiness and extreme fatigue. This is a major reason I haven't written down any of this until now. For some reason, I was sure that I was going to be one of those women who adored being pregnant. It was something that I wanted so badly for such a long time, how could I not enjoy every second of it? Oh man was I wrong. This has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. I was very naive. Between the horrible "morning" sickness that lasted 24/7 from about week 6 to week 16 or 17 and the bronchitis I caught in September that lasted until February, I don't think I had ever been so miserable for so long. As bitter as it was (and still is. This third trimester stuff is the pits as well) there is a sweetness that can't be described. On December 4, 2012, we got to have our 18 week ultrasound and see our beautiful baby GIRL. Seeing her beautiful little profile and her perfect little arms and legs was enough to make any pain or discomfort go away at least for a while. Damon was over the MOON with joy when we found out we are having a girl. He's wanted a girl from the very beginning and was practically glowing as we drove home. I was expecting it to be a boy, and was prepared for it to be a boy, so I was a little shocked, but so excited, and that excitement has only grown. We are definitely meant to have this little girl.
I started feeling movement pretty early on. What felt like normal digestion bubbles and movement became stronger and much more frequent and I believe it was when I was sixteen weeks that I decided for sure that it was her moving. Those movements just keep getting stronger! I am now 33 weeks and 2 days and this kid is a kick boxer. Movement is so good and so strong (and getting more and more uncomfortable for me). Overall everything with the pregnancy has been very healthy. I am endlessly grateful.
Only 6 weeks and 5 days to go. It can't seem to come soon enough. Even though these last few months have flown by, I continue to get more and more uncomfortable and I'm sure these last weeks are going to be really difficult. My old friend first-trimester-nausea seems to be creeping back and adding that to my decreasing mobility and overall pain and achiness is just cruel. It will be worth it, I know, but there sure are a lot of un-pleasantries that associate themselves with pregnancy.
