What I wish I had known

I have felt compelled to write this post for a while now. Since October to be exact (I'm SUPER on top of things in case you couldnt tell). October is Down syndrome awareness month and awareness about Down syndrome is something I feel a sincere desire and need to share. A single month is no where near sufficient enough time to spread awareness.

21 months ago my life changed. Every expectant mother encounters changes when their new baby is born, and there are thousands of books and articles and blogs that try to give you an idea about what to expect when you have a new baby. I read many of them. Not a single one could have prepared me for that day. It was the most painful day of my life in every imaginable way. I still get emotional when I think about the suffering I went through those first few weeks. Not because it was terrible, but because most of that pain and suffering was entirely unnecessary.

I learned about Trisomy 21 in my 9th grade Biology class, which just so happened to be taught by my dad. Down syndrome occurs when there is an extra (3rd) copy of the 21st chromosome. Hence, trisomy 21. I understood Down syndrome on that level, and knew of a few of the health complications that could accompany the condition, but my experience with actual individuals at that point was minimal, and honestly left a negative impact on me. I was frightened by what I didn't understand and for that reason I took on the mind set of "God knows what I can handle, and I just couldn't handle that". Years passed and I never got to have any additional experiences with individuals with Down syndrome, and my mentality stayed the same.

Then came the day that Damon and I were called to be Primary teachers at church. Our adorable class of five-year-olds just so happened to include the only child with Down syndrome in our ward. She was a darling little thing, but I admit, I was nervous. That year of teaching turned out to be pretty special. Damon became the pro at keeping "E" engaged during class and sharing time, and I learned a lot and came to feel protective of her sweet little spirit, but there was still so much that I didn't know.  There is still so much that MOST people don't know.

A few months after we were released from that calling, Paige was born.

When I found out my newborn daughter had Down syndrome:

I didn't know that my child could still be healthy and strong.
I didn't know that a Down syndrome diagnosis wasn't the end of the perfect dream family I had planned.
I didn't know that my daughter would have the most darling personality I had ever met.
I didn't know that my life would become filled with so much joy my heart wouldn't be able to contain it.
I didn't know that I had been given the most extraordinary, beautiful gift.
I didn't know I how lucky I was.

I wish with all of my heart that I had known even a fraction of what I know now. I wish I could spread the word far and near and I wish I could share with everyone the joy and love my child radiates. In a world where evil is seemingly taking over, She is what we need. She is what I need. I am grateful every day that my Heavenly Father knows me better than I know myself.